Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i believe in u and ur pee
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
