Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
