i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
