Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
