Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
