So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
