my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
