My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
