i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
