I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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