the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
