youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
