just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
