White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
