So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
