glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
