So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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