We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
