Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
