we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
