Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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