No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
