Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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