Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
