just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
