just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
