why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
