I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I had to cum in my sink.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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