His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
