I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
