I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
