dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
