I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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