You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
