I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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