Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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