Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
