Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
