Just fell off a train. Bad.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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