he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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