his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
