we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
