Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
