Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Randomize
