Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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