you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
