the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
