I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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