It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
