I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
