her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
