she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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